Kier Starmer shouted Ed Milband into his office one day and sez: "Ed, I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win back Middle England."
"Great idea, Kier. Now how will we go about it?’ asked Miliband
"Well" sez Starmer: "We’ll get ourselves one of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick and a flat cap, oh and a Labrador. Then we’ll really look the part. We’ll go to a nice old country pub, in Compton Dundon or another village and we’ll show them we really enjoy the Countryside and everything."
"Right, Oh" replied Miliband. So a few days later, all kitted out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from London in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for (Much Piddling-in-the-Brook) and
found a lovely country pub (The Dog & Dildo) and with the dog, went in and sauntered up to the bar. "‘Good evening, Landlord may we have two pints of your best ale, from the
wood?" asked Starmer. "Good evening, Prime Minister’ said the landlord, "Two pints of Farquarharson's Old & Filthy Best British Bitter Beer it is, coming up".
Starmer and Miliband stood leaning on the bar, quaffing their ale and chatting, nodding now and again to those who came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet.
All of a sudden, the door from the public bar opened and in came a
grizzled old shepherd, complete with crook. He walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders, and walked back to the other bar.
A few moments later, in came another old shepherd with his crook. He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar.
Over the next half hour, several other locals came in,
lifted the dog’s tail and went away looking perplexed.
Eventually, Starmer and Miliband could stand it no longer and called the landlord over. "Tell me," says Starmer ""Why did all those old shepherds and other punters come in and look under the dog’s tail like that? Is it a local custom?’
"Good Lord No.!"’ answered the barkeep, "It’s just that someone told them that there was a Labrador in this bar with two arseholes."
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