"There's an idiot on the pitch." "Yeah it's your goalkeeper you scouse twats. To be fair it won’t be their fault.....
I sobbed and cried on the sofa as I recalled my awful childhood. "Do you think I am going mad"? I asked. “Yes, now get out of DFS”. Came the harsh reply!
Barmy Albert went into B & Q store and orders 10,000 bricks. "May I ask what you're building?" asks the man behind the counter. "It's going to be a barbecue." Albert replied. "Wow, that's a lot of bricks for one barbecue," "Not really; I live on the 12th floor."
Quiz of the Week: Question No1."Have you ever suffered with any form of memory loss?"
and Finally question No 10...
I met a girl who was half-French & half-Chinese. I took her home & she sucked my laundry..
I have a bit of a dilemma and need advice Can anyone help I’ve been seeing this girl for a while getting very serious but I have just found out that she has a wooden leg, I don’t know what to do. Should I break it off? Peggy will never forgive me.
I'm not saying people in my area have bad teeth, but one woman just smiled in Tesco and the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans.
What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo ?...One is really heavy, whereas, the other is a little lighter...
My grandad was killed by a deadly combination of drink and drugs. He popped out to the corner shop to buy some tea bags, when a Boots The Chemist van knocked him over. Sad innit!
Fascinating Fact: There are 26 million people in the UK who support Liverpool.. they are called tax payers.
I have been informed by my doctor that I’m colour blind. I’m shocked, this diagnosis has really come out of the magenta!
We have an old tree that became diseased and was losing its bark. We felt it needed a bark transplant and called a tree surgeon. The communication was mangled and when the surgeon arrived, he went to work on a tree across the road. He was halfway done when I noticed the error. I tried to stop him by shouting, "Stop! Stop! You're barking up the wrong tree!"
Little Joey and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire station. Before each kid could leave, the fire chief quizzed them. The fire chief asked little Joey, "What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?" Joey replied promptly, "I don't put them on."
Are all the other folks in your dormitory just plain jealous because the mysterious voices only talk to you? Is the hamster dead, but the wheel is still going round? Well, now you can go see for yourself with my amazing new Jokey-Blog at www.ComedianUK.com. It’s firstname.lastname@example.org if you fancy sending me an email. Now, get back to work!