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Wednesday 16 May 2018

The Telemarketer Geezer Gubbins.....

Just when you sit down to eat dinner, the phone rings and it's one of those awful telemarketer geezers. I don't think you should loose your temper with them  Treat it a a form of jocular therapy and have a chortle. We were having a salad anyway, so it won't go cold....

The voice on the other end said, "May I speak with Joanne please?"

"She's not here,"  I answered..

"To whom am I speaking?"

"This is Non-Stick Nora, her current concubine."

"Oh. Right When will he be home?"


"I'm sorry, pardon?"

"She. It's an her. He/She is a hermaphrodite and resides in Standish.. He/She has a Wigan address
They'll be home around midnight. May I ask who this is calling?"

"This is Daryl."

"And what company do you work for Dazzeroony?"

"I am unable to divulge that information, because of the privacy of data act."

"What do you mean you cannot divulge that information?"

I'm calling to speak specifically with Joanne."

"Anything you have to say to Jo-Jo you can tell me, coz I'm a ventriloquist."

"I really can't do that."

"Sure you can, just pretend I'm them. I won't tell no bugger."

"No madam I can't, really. I'm not allowed."

"Hold on just a moment. Shit a brick! She's home prematurely and just walked in
the front door."

After giving her a quick briefing of the scenario, I handed the phone to the missus. 

"Hullo?" She opined.


"Yes. This is Non-Stick Nora."

"This is Daryl with BT."

"Hi Dazzer. What's the big secret that you couldn't tell Nora?"

"We are only allowed to talk to the person we have listed on our contact
list. I'm sorry sir."




"Oh, I'm really sorry."

"Is Joanne the only contact person on your list?"

"No madam. There is an Austin Knight listed as well."

"Why didn't you ask to speak with him?"

"Could I speak with him?"

"He's not here, he's doing six months in the nick. Can I take a message?"

"No but you're Joanne right?"

"That's semi-correct"

"Okay, I can talk to you. BT is aware that you have recently switched to
another supplier. We like to make you an offer to get you back
as a BT customer.

"Do you know why we switched?"

"No sir. madam, I don't. Would you like to tell me?

"Let me speak to Everard."

"There is no one here by that name."

"Then I cannot divulge that information."

"I would be happy to straighten out any problems you may have had with BT.
That's one of the reasons I'm calling you today."

"No, I'm sorry. I can only talk to Everard. What time will he be there?"

"Nobody named Everard works here."

"Then I cannot divulge that information."

"I can assure you that it is alright to speak with me."

"Is your name Everard?"

"No but it's my job to help you with any problems you might have had with
us. Is there some reason why you can't talk to me about this?"

"I'm not allowed."

"Well, thank you and have a nice evening sir."




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