Kids Jokes....

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her reception class pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so? ' like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My Mum made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

She will be eligible for parole in three years.

Over Christmas & New Year we had family from far and wide visiting us and everyone was encouraged to bring all their kids as well.    All during dinner my four-year-old niece stared at me sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.   I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at me.   I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me. Smiling, I finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"   Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet for her response.  My little niece said "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."

'Mummy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mum won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks,   'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'   The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'  'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and

daddy got a divorce..'   'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

 'Because you got an F in sex.'