Stevie Wonder Joke...

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is
absolutely packed to the rafters.
In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if
anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and
shouts at the top of his voice, "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord."

Amazed that this guy knows about Stevie's varied career, the blind
impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a
difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole
place goes wild.

The little old man jumps up again and shouts, "No, no, play a jazz chord,
play a jazz chord".

A bit pissed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is,
dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat
minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with
this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a
jazz chord".

Well and truly pissed off that this little guy doesn't seem to
appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage,

"OK, smart arse. You get up here and do it !"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and
starts to sing . . .


"A JAZZ CHORD TO SAY I RUV YOU . . . A JAZZ CHORD TO SAY I CARE . . ."

Kids...

Little Tommy and Jenny are only 12 years old, but they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Tommy goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Tommy bravely walks up to him and says,

"Mr Grabknuckle, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr Grabknuckle replies, "Well Tommy, both of you are only 12. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Likkle Tommy replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Grabknuckle says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Tommy instantly replies, "Our pocket money innit! Jenny gets five quid a week and I make 10 quid a week, with my paper round." "That's about £60 a month and that should do us just fine."

Mr. Grabknuckle is impressed Tommy has put so much thought into this. "Well Tommy, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Tommy just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been very lucky so far."

Mr Grabknuckle no longer thinks the little get is adorable..

A friend of mine just started his own business, manufacturing land mines that look like prayer mats.

Apparently Prophets are going through the roof.

Computer Repair....

Caller : Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller : Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse you dummy!
Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really?... I will send a picture.

Italy Joke...

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."

Never Accept Sweets From A Stranger...

Never Accept Sweets From A Stranger...

Arthritis Joke..

A drunk man who smelled strongly of whiskey sat down on a bench in a subway station, next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of Jim Beam was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes, and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned,' then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have
you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

Never assume you Know Where someone has been, What that person has done or What they are thinking.