Accordion to a recent study which was conducted by Manchester Metropolitan University, eight out of ten people fail to notice when a word in a sentence has been replaced by a musical instrument. Fascinating!
I was sauntering down Scropton Street with the missus, when she suddenly opined: “Look at that couple over there. Look how tactile they are. He keeps smiling and holding her hand, nibbling her ears, kissing her, holding the door open for her. Why can’t you do the same?” With all the dignity that I could muster, I replied: “Are you crazy? I barely know the woman!”
Went to a French restaurant in Manchester. I sez to the waiter; “ May I see the menu please?” He replied: “May we.” I said; “Sorry, may we see the menu please?”
Sometimes, you have to use your perspicacity and ingenuity. Imagine this scenario and insert your own Elizabethan expletive(s) where necessary: An 8 year old boy called Tommy and his 6 year old brother Stevie are upstairs in their bedroom. “You know what?” declares Tommy, “I think it's about time we started swearing.” Little Stevie nods his head in approval, so Tommy continues: “When we go downstairs for brekkie, I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, okay?” "Okay," Stevie agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks Tommy what he wants for breakfast. 'Oh, ********** mummy, I don't know. I reckon that I’ll have some ********* Coco-Pops. TWHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at little Stevie and asked with a stern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?" “Dunno. But it certainly won't be ******** Coco Pops!”
Fascinating Fact: Hank Marvin is surprisingly very famous for someone who has spent most of his life in The Shadows.
A bloke approaches the box office window of the cinema with a chicken under his arm, and asks for two tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" The girl tells him that he cannot take a chicken into the cinema, so he goes around the corner, stuffs the chicken down his trousers and returns. He buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theatre, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his fly so the chicken can stick its head out, get some air and watch the filum. Sitting next to him is 89 year old Agnes. She elbows fellow octogenarian Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his kecks!" Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, just ignore him. Don't worry about it. When you've seen one, you've seen ‘em all." Agnes says, "I KNOW......but this ones eating my popcorn!''
Thursday Thought: “A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.” ― Hunter S. Thompson