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Monday 6 January 2020

The Big Gig!


I noticed this in my local newspaper classified free ads: 

We are a bijou and exclusive restaurant in the centre of Tameside and we are looking for stand-up comedians to perform in our  main room to promote their material and maybe sell their CD's. This is not a  regular gig, but only for special occasions which will hopefully turn into a weekly event, in due course, if we get positive response. Lots of observational comedy is required and no political or racist humour would be acceptable.  

Are you interested in promoting your work? Then get in touch and let us know, by return.



I replied thus:

Happy New Year 2020! I am a professional comedian, domiciled in a large house and I'm searching for a suitable restaurant proprietor to attend my gaff in order to promote his/her fine-dining outlet by  making dinner for me and and all my mates. This is not a regular gig but only  for special functions which will eventually turn into a weekly event, providing I get some excellent feedback from all my venerable associates. I would stress that it's definitely unacceptable for any of your staff who voted Remain or may have supported Corbyn and/or any Labour Party anti-Semitic propaganda or indeed a second referendum.

If you're genuinely interested in promoting  your business, then I urge you to contact me by return, forthwith, at your earliest possible convenience.



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