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Monday, 3 March 2014

Trainee Corpses Coffee....

A gaggle of old aged pensioners were sitting around talking about all their individual ailments at Costa Coffee. "My arms have got so weak, I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," declared Ethel. "Yes, I know," said Harold. "My cataracts are so chronic, I can't even see my coffee, I can’t smell anything either, because of my acute sinusitis." "I couldn't even mark an ‘X’ on polling day because my hands are so shaky," volunteered Mabel. "What? Speak up! Eh? I can't hear you, shouted Mildred!" "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said Albert, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. "My blood pressure pills make me really disorientated!" exclaimed Fred. "I forget where I am and where I'm going," confessed Agnes. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced Nora as she slowly shook her head. All the others nodded in agreement. "Well, count your Blessings," said 98 year old Hilda cheerfully.... "Thank God that we can all still DRIVE.''

Having just watched my little puppy dog Alfie, chase his tail for ten minutes, I thought, "Wow! It’s really amazing how dogs are so very easily entertained." Then I realised I had stopped everything that I was doing, and just watched my dog chase his tail for the last ten minutes...

According to local radio, a family had been sitting upstairs in their Somerset home, totally cut off from the outside world by the floods for four weeks. Yesterday, the Red Cross pulled up outside their house in a boat. "Thank God!" the husband shouted "Have you come to save us?" "No," came the reply "We're collecting donations for Syria."...

Consider me this: Whenever there is a homicide, the police always investigate the spouse first. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

I bought a new suit over the weekend and tried it on yesterday morning for the missus to see how it looked on me. She declared, "You look really fat in it." I asked her, "What? Is it the trousers? The waistcoat? The jacket?" "No, none of those," she said. "Well, what then?" I asked. "Daylight" she replied.

After the ‘Daylight’ incident, the wife and I had a massive row. "I'm so disappointed in you," she said. "When we got married I thought you were a brave man." "Yes," I replied, "and so did all my my mates!."

Fascinating Fact: Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Thought for Thursday: A wise man once said nothing, when asked if her dress makes her look fat...

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