I sez to the missus “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give to you?”
She curtly replied, “Turn sideways and look in the mirror!” No need for sarcasm is there!
Ever pontificated on the meaning of life? Well, this is how it can be summarised in a nutshell. On the first day, God created the woofer dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. When the doorbell rings, assume it’s for you. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said: “That's a long time to be barking when the doorbell rings. How about just ten years and I'll give you back the other ten.” So God agreed. On the second day, God created the cheeky monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.” The monkey sez: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's like a continuous summer season. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?” And God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said: “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.” The cow said: “That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. ‘How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?” And God agreed once more. On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But mankind sayeth: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?” “Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.” So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do cheeky monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit by the front door and bark at everyone who passes by. Life has now been explained to you. Start the car!
Q) What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is each and every night?
A) A widow.
I hope I live to be as old as my jokes. I pray that all my friends will live as long as the DFS sale continues! You too can discover the elixir of mirth by visiting my all new joke blog. Click on www.ComedianUK.com and follow the link. You can also gizza tweet on Twitter! www.twitter.com/comedianuk . Get the BBQ out, it’s gonna be crackin’ the flags!!
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