Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational,

which once again, asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and
supply a new definition.



Here are the winners:



1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite
period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an
asshole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.


4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.


5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.



6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for
the purpose of getting laid.



7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high



8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit

and the person who doesn't get it.



9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are

running late.



10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got

extra credit.)



11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is
sending

off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the

Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.



12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through

the day consuming only things that are good for you.



13. Glibido: All talk and no action.



14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem

smarter when they come at you rapidly.



15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed

just after you've accidentally walked through a
spider web.



16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that

gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot

be cast out.



17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding
half

a worm in the fruit you're eating.







The Washington Post has also published the winning

submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are

asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.



And the winners are:



1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.



2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much

weight one has gained.



3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having flat stomach.



4 Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.



5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.



6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.



7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.



8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.



9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up
someone

who has been run over by a steamroller.



10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.



11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.



12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.



13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.



14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddishisms.



15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death,
the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.



16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer
shorts worn by Jewish men.