Isn’t it strange that a UK fishing boat was detained by the French, yet they continue to miss the hundreds of dinghies that are floating across the channel on a regular basis!
As I become older, I learn much more every single day. For instance, did you know that you can buy a birthday cake, eat it all yourself and nobody checks up on you! Furthermore, you should never sit on the floor without a strategy of how you’re going to get up again.
Non Stick Nora and Barmy Albert were invited to a fancy dress party, up Scropton Street at the Pitt Bull and Stanley Knife pub. Unfortunately, Nora came down with a terrible migraine and told Albert to go to the party alone. Being a devoted spouse he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some paracetamol and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. Nora, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early enough, decided to go the party. Since Albert did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching him to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted Barmy Albert cavorting around on the dance floor, canoodling with every nice woman he could, and copping a little grope here and a little snog there. Nora then sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted all his time to Nora who had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished... Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a romantic tryst! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of excuse he would make for his appalling behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never, ever have a good time when you're not there with me." "Did you dance much?" "You know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Daft Eddie, Pete and Bill and some other guys, so we went into the vault and played darts all night. But you're not going to believe what happened to the bloke I loaned my costume to...."
I purchased some of those Cadburys Chocolate Animals. It sez on packet 'Do not consume if seal is broken' Well, I opened them and guess what!
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their groin when they’re enquiring where the lavvy is?
Fascinating Fact: Did you know that women spend more time wondering exactly what men are thinking than men spend actually thinking. Who’d a thowt it?
The human body is about 75% water. On that basis, I'm not fat, just flooded and a lot easier to see!
Real time slows as you approach the speed of light, whereas time flies when you’re having fun! So if you go slower. Do you have more fun or do you just get more light? Visit my website: www.ComedianUK.com Email me: comedianuk@sky.com. Now, get back to work. Spring has sprung! Top of Form
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