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Monday, 21 September 2009

What A Week!!

My visit to Dubai last week was awesome. I performed at the Emirates Airline sponsored 'Dubai 7's Rugby Dinner’, and stayed at Le Meridian which is a 5 star hotel, where the service was absolutely superb. I got up to have a wee at four o'clock in the morning and when I returned from the bathroom, the bed was made! I have been asked to return there in December until mid January, and do some other gigs in Qatar and Bahrain, so no need to unpack then. Isn't life grand when you're daft!

The wife (or Shrek in a frock, as I lovingly refer to her) informed me that she had been to an Ann Summers party, whatever that is. Apparently, it’s just like a Tupperware party, but with batteries. She purchased a couple of really odd items, such as some edible underwear and a pair of handcuffs. I don't eat her cooking, so I'm not going to eat her vest am I? She reckoned that if we went upstairs and I handcuffed her to the bed, I could do anything that I wanted. So I handcuffed her to the bed, then I went to the pub.

Moreover, on a chilly winter evening, this week, I was lying on the sofa with the wife watching television. During the commercial break, I reached over and
gave her foot a gentle squeeze. "Mmmmm," she sez. "That's nice, do it again" "Actually," I admitted sheepishly, "I thought it was the remote control."

If you haven't accomplished anything so far in your life, then your best days are likely to be ahead of you. However, you should consider your past track record. I was a failure in the boom era, so I now find myself on the crest of a slump.

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, scoffing a Madras curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. The most British thing of all? A suspicion of anything foreign!

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