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Monday 21 September 2009

August Bank Holiday 2009

Another bank holiday weekend! 'The Missus wanted a trip out, (I call her "Viking", because she has a face like a Norse!) and on that basis we proceeded to the Mottram Horse and Dog show. What a brilliant day! They had horse trials which ended with five of the horses being found guilty, another great feature was an "Unusual Pet Competition". A fella with a tin of salmon won it. The only event that marred an otherwise perfect day, was when a woman started displaying a measure of unwarranted cruelty toward her baby. It seemed the woman was stressed out by the infants behaviour and she bellowed obscenities and shook her fists in desperation at the sky, whilst trying to enlist sympathy from any passer-by that would grant her an audience. Everyone was totally shocked by this wholly untoward and disconcerting incident, indeed even the little children were flabbergasted by their observations of this most unfortunate and embarrasing situation.

I was about to intervene on this macabre farrago, when the constabulary duly arrived on the scene. The efficient policeman tried to question the woman, but the harridan ranted on about her feckless husband (who then just seemed to pop up out of nowhere) and he joined in the ongoing fracas as well. He was an odd-looking individual with unkempt hair, a huge nose and was attired in a crimson tunic which resembled some manner of strange period costume. The copper, give him his due, was making every endeavour to sort out the dispute, when totally unexpectedly, the blackguard of a husband lashed out at his wife, hitting her full force in the solar plexus region, causing her to keel over. She fell directly on top of the policeman, who in turn collapsed in a heap on top of the husband. I was amazed at what happened next. A crocodile with a string of sausages clamped firmly in his jaws appeared! What a marvellous day!

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