The British Empire....

In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was
sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

After welcoming his replacement, and showing the courtesies that protocol
decrees (gin and tonic with cucumber sandwiches), the retiring colonel said,
"You really must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he's
really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was shocked to see a
toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, standing
less than three feet tall.  He had a face like a bulldog licking piss from a thistle.
Moreover, he possessed a wooden leg, but had a real foot!

The retiring Colonel said "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about
yourself."


"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and
won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.
I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal
in the middleweight division of the boxing Olympics. I have researched the
history of ... "

Here the Colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, yes; never mind that, Smithers; the
new CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you called that
Witch Doctor a twat!"