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Monday 12 November 2012

Getting it all wrong (again).....

We men tend to misinterpret exactly what the opposite sex are endeavouring to convey.   Last year, the missus asked me to take her to see ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ and I got it all totally incorrect.  Dropping her off on the Somalian coastline wasn’t exactly what she anticipated. 

Moreover, last week was my birthday and I didn't feel too clever when I awakened on the day. I staggered downstairs for breakfast, hoping that the wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and just maybe have a small present for me.  As things turned out, she barely said anything, let alone ‘Many Happy Returns’. I surmised that marriage is like that, however, the kid will definitely remember my special day. She eventually came bounding downstairs, and didn't even utter a monosyllable.  Consequently, when I left for the gig that afternoon, I felt pretty low and quite despondent.   As I walked into the venue where I was working, my new agent, who is a lovely, gorgeous girl called Sylvia, who said, “Good Morning, and by the way,   Happy Birthday!”  I was consoled by the fact that at least someone had remembered this special occasion.  After speaking at the luncheon at about 4pm, Sylvia knocked on my dressing room door and declared, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out for a few beers, just you and me....”   I   replied, “Cheers, Sylvia, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!” We went to my local pub, ‘The Pit Bull & Stanley Knife’ and had a few sherbets. Then we went to a different pub, where we wouldn’t normally frequent, and had a few more drinks there.
I got carried away and had copious pints of beer, followed by several Zambuca shot chasers, in addition to a packet of salted peanuts, plus a bag of pork scratchings.   Having enjoyed the afternoon tremendously, Sylvia looked at me in a most provocative and seductive manner, then with eyes like burning embers, she suddenly proclaimed,   “You know, it's been such an enjoyable day, you don't need to go straight back, do you?”   I responded, “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?”  She replied “Why not let’s drop by my place, it's just around the corner, I intend to surprise you!”  Upon arriving at her house, Sylvia turned to me and said, “If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.”  “Alright”, I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom, then  after what seemed an eternity, she came out carrying a massive birthday cake, followed by the missus, the  kid, and dozens of my  friends and showbiz colleagues, all singing 'Happy Birthday To You!, Happy Birthday To You!'. I was flabbergasted and I just sat there on the settee.  Completely naked....  

I fully realise that laughter isn't for everyone. It's only for folk who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. Exercise your guffaw glands today!  Have a chortle on me! Visit my website and continue the quest!  You can email me:

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