Another Happy New Year 2011...

Happy New Year 2011! Or not, as the case may be. The police came to my door on New Year’s Eve, holding a picture of the missus. "Is this your wife sir?" said the officer. "Yes it is" I replied. "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a serious road traffic accident" said the Officer... "I know" I said, "but she has a jovial personality!"

On New Year’s Day, several men are in the locker room of a local golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to earwig the conversation. Indeed, eavesdropping is de rigeur in most golf club locker rooms.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yeah."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£90,000."

MAN: "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Brilliant! Oh,and one more thing. I was just talking to Elsie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of £900,000.
They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand
if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you make love?"
"I did once & he looked really angry." "Why angry?" "Because he was watching through the window!"

On New Years Day, I got so bladdered, that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear. Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the missus. It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.


The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind. The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis!

In 2011, remember, those who matter most to you, those who never did, those who won't anymore. The important ones, who always will. Never worry about the people from your past, because there’s good reason why they never made it to your future. Visit my website: www.Comedian.ws and continue the quest! You can email me: comedianuk@sky.com Now, get back to work! Happy New Year 2011 to both of my readers!!