Rob Green gets ad contract from Teflon!!!

I’ve had to rewrite this week’s column a few times, unfortunately, my computer has got the Robert Green virus. It can't save anything. Mind you, at least that's one British spillage the Americans won't be moaning about! The England lads had a get-together after the game and bought Robert Green a drink to commiserate. He spilled it. Steven Gerrard said: "The whole team is behind Rob Green." With hindsight, that's a good place to stand. .


I was at the checkout queue in Tesco and saw this blonde lady staring at me, I couldn’t believe she was staring at me, and then she starts waving. 'Excuse me do I know you?' I asked. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says. I thought back and remembered my one act of infidelity and replied 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, while your mate squirted shaving foam all over me and whipped me with a leather cat o'nine tails and your other mate stuck a feather duster up my a ** e?'
'No' she curtly replied 'I'm your daughter’s History teacher!' Oh dear, hat and coat time already!


A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you £500 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her £500 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob from next door,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the £500 he owes me?' Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

I hope I live to be as old as my jokes. I pray that all my friends will live as long as the DFS sale continues! You too can discover the elixir of mirth by visiting my all new joke blog. Click on www.ComedianUK.com and follow the link. You can also gizza tweet on Twitter! www.twitter.com/comedianuk . Get the BBQ out, it’s gonna be crackin’ the flags!!