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Monday 4 January 2010
ATTAINABLE New Year Resolutions...
This year, I resolve to...
- Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
- Stop exercising. Waste of time.
- Read less. Makes you think.
- Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff, like Hollyoaks?!?!.
- Procrastinate more. I'll Start tomorrow.
- Spend more time surfing on left-handed websites.
- Take a holiday to someplace important: like to see the largest barrel of beer in the world.
- Not jump off Beachy Head. just because someone else did.
- Stop having lunch at home: I should eat out more.
- Not have eight children ALL at once.
- Get into a whole NEW rut!
- Start being superstitious.
- Personal goal: bring back 70's disco.
- Not bet against the Manchester City.
- Buy a Reliant Robin Interceptor 3 x 3 and invest in a really loud stereo system.
- Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash (Oh!! and one of those fluffy dice).
- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.
- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or clothes line for a belt.
- Spend my Easter holiday in Cyberspace.
- Not eat cloned meat.
- Create loose ends.
- Get more boys toys.
- Get further in debt (on the scale of Zimbabwe).
- Not believe politicians.
- Not drive a steam roller across thin ice.
- Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.
- Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 10,000 feet.
- Stay off the International Space Station.
- Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.
- Associate with even more scurrillous theatrical agents.
- Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.
- Wait around for opportunity.
- Focus on the faults of others.
- Mope about my faults.
- Never make New Year's resolutions again.