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Sunday, 11 October 2009

Joke of the Week!

The Mexican maid asked for a pay rise. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the increase.

She asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”
Maria: “Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want a pay increase. The first is that I iron a lot better than you.”

Wife: “Who said you iron a lot better than me?”
Maria: “Your husband say so...”
Wife: “…Oh.”
Maria: “The second reason is that I am a much better cook than you.”

Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a much better cook than me?”

Maria: “Your husband did.”
Wife: “…Oh.”
Maria: “My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..”
Wife: (really furious now!): “I suppose my husband said that as well?”
Maria: “No Señora...... the gardener did.”
Wife: “...So how much more money do you want?”

Fascinating Fact of the Week!

After intensive studies at the University of Manchester Institute of Science and Technology, it has been found that beer contains many female hormones and I think they are right. Think about it. Personally, after just six pints of Farqharsons Old & Filthy Best British Bitter Beer, I talk a load of old cobblers and I can't drive! Extemporaneous, crapulous logorrhea! What’s all that about then?

Detailed below are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place...

Solicitor: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Solicitor: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Solicitor: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

Solicitor: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Ada?"
Solicitor: And why did that upset you?
Witeness: My name is Vera!

Solicitor: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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