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Sunday 5 December 2021

Have a Covid Krimbo!


You can tell it’s getting near to Christmastide, when the government announce that there’s a new Covid variant knocking about. This particular strain is called Omincrom, which I believe is named after Boris. It’s an anagram of moronic!

I intended to write a joke about the Omincrom variant, but 98% of folk won’t get it….

I bumped into old Elsie Grabknuckle in the Scropton Street pound shop and she appeared a tad chapfallen. She told me that her beloved husband Tommy had succumbed to the Omnicrom variant and had sadly passed away. I asked her how old he was. She sez “Eleventy Fixty Sore.” I replied “That’s no age at all, is it…”


Two turkeys were talking to each other. One sez “What do you think about all this Omnicrom variant that’s knocking about?” The other turkey replied, “I hope we don’t get culled before Christmas”

Last weekend, there was a bloke stood in my front garden. He was wearing a baseball cap, a rugby shirt, golf trousers, football boots and he was brandishing a snooker cue in a threatening manner. I shouted out of the upstairs window: “Oi! What’s your game then?”

The missus asked me “Where’s the remote?” I sez "Manchester City Football Club at the Etihad". She Replied "Whatcha talking about?". I sez "On top of the table, my darling!”  She asked me why I kept on yawning while she was talking to me. I told her I wasn’t yawning and that I was trying to say summat. She talks through her nose because her mouth is worn out!



This happened last Wednesday and is important information for you to digest. Barmy Albert had his booster dose of the Pfiizer vaccine at the local centre, after which he began to have blurred vision on the way home. When he got to hisScropton Street hovel, he called the vaccination centre for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or indeed be hospitalised. He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but just return to the vaccination centre immediately and pick up his glasses.

Will I be drinking red wine on Christmas Day? You bet Shiraz I will!

My mate Sid has had his ID stolen! We just call him ‘S’ nowadays.


I visited my doctor and told him that I keep thinking that I’m The Wizard of Oz. He asked me why I thought this. I sez: “Because, because, because, because!”

Non Stick Nora was sat all on her own in my local pub, The Pit-Bull & Stanley Knife. Apparently it was her company Christmas ‘do’. I asked her where everybody else was. She replied, “I’m self-employed”

If you see a fat man, who's jolly and cute, wearing a beard and a red flannel suit and if he is chuckling and laughing away, while flying around in a miniature sleigh, with eight tiny reindeer to pull him along, Then let's face it...You’re bladdered, get yourself home! Visit my Festive Jokey Blog! Now, get that tree up! 


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