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Sunday 29 November 2020

Christmas Dinner Rehearsal!


2020. The Movie!  At a shut-down cinema near you. Written by Stephen King. Directed by Quentin Tarantino and music by Yoko Ono.  What a terrible year. We knew it would all end in Tiers! Not being awkward, just asking. If you were in Tier 2 and buy a substantial meal and a pint in a pub. Drink the pint, but leave the meal. Can you get fined for not eating? I’m getting really fed up with this entire lockdown lark now. I’m starting to miss people that I don’t even like!  Anyone got any idea what shift Covid is on next week?


Had a saunter through Manor Park over the weekend. It was murder trying to get Boris Johnson and Chris Whitty off the slides.

If you are unsure about government advice on the meaning of tiers, then read below for clarification:-
Tier 1 = Lotsa beers.
Tier 2 = A beer and some chips.
Tier 3 = No beer whatsoever.



Moreover, a superb concept for a new TV reality programme could be: “I’m in Tier 3 - Get me out of here!”

I have recently discovered that the main function of your little toe is to make sure all your furniture is in the right place.

Doncha just hate it when you spot an old person and then realise that you both went to primary school together!

Riddle me this: Is it possible for an agoraphobic to have an outgoing personality?  

Whilst Christmas shopping, I ordered four Kindles from Amazon. They’ve only gone and sent me a Two Ronnies DVD!  Well, it’s goodnight from me....

I wonder if Lewis Hamilton receives a Knighthood, is it him or the Queen who is expected to kneel? 



To combat lockdown blues, I’m putting a can of beer in every room of the house tonight and pretending I’m going on a pub crawl. Can anyone else remember when cars didn't have cup holders and you had to drive with the beer between your knees? Halcyon daze!

Non-Stick Nora reminded Barmy Albert of the phrase “You are what you eat,” as he sat there with nuts, crackers and fruitcake.

So you enter a pub wearing a mask. Sanitise your hands. Sign in to track and trace and are taken through a one way system to a table that is socially distanced. The table is sanitised before you sit down. Your order is taken. The server sanitises their hands, then gets a sterilised glass and pours a drink.  The drink is brought to you and the mask may be taken off.  When finished the glass is collected, hands sanitised or gloves removed and washed.  The masks are replaced. Payment is taken and the terminal is sanitised before and after use.   The one way system is followed out of the venue. Go and look at a supermarket and tell me again how hospitality is the problem. The hairdresser and beauty shops are shut, but the dentist and optician are open.  Talk about stupid rules!   It is what it is, so it is.




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