I must confess that when I saw the news with Dom Cummings leaving Number 10 with a cardboard box, I thought it was the new John Lewis advert!
With both Dominic Cummings and Lee Cain making a swift exit last week, it looks like Boris Johnson will be our new Prime Minister!
Boris has heard that the Coronavirus can be killed by pastry. If the trials are successful it'll be rolled out across the rest of the country in time for Christmas. You may think that this concept is flaky and pie in the sky, but we really do knead this. I’m here all week folks!
Last November, everyone grew a moustache and it was called Movember. I'm not bothering with all that gubbins this year, so I'm calling it NoMovember, or November for short...
Thought for Thursday: You're a work of art. Not everyone will understand you but, the ones that do, will never forget about you.
Hey guys, listen up! If you think that women is mad at you, then just tell her that she is overreacting and she’ll calm right down immediately. For your further information, there’s an A & E in Tameside....
Two Scousers talking. One sez: “We had a terrible fire at our house and we lost everything and then this Covid lark started and I lost my job, but luckily, the insurance paid out for the fire and I’m okay for money now. How you doin’?” The other Scouser sez: “I lost me job through Coronavirus and then our house got flooded in October and we lost all our possessions, but last week, the insurance paid out, so we’re flush for cash now!” The first Scouser replied: “Flood? How’d ya start a flood?”
Fascinating Fact: It must be said that being twenty in the 70’s was much more fun that being seventy in the 20’s. I’m nowhere near 70 yet, however, if I drop summat on the floor, before picking it up, I consider whether I could do without that particular item for the rest of my remaining days...
I sauntered into Scropton Street Car Mart showroom last night. I approached the salesman, "My missus would like to chat with you about the Reliant Robin in your window." He replied: "We do not have a Reliant Robin the window." I sez: "You have now..."
The wife has been missing for over a week now. The local police have told me to prepare for the worst, so I’ve had to go to the charity shop yesterday and get all her clothes back.
Barmy Albert went for a job up Scropton Street abattoir and the manager asked him: "How do you explain this four year gap on your CV?”. Albert replied: "That’s when I went to Yale." The manager sez: "Wow! That’s impressive! I’m gonna give you a start. You’re hired." Albert replied: “Thank you very much, sir. I really need this yob...”
Real time slows as you approach the speed of light, whereas time flies when you’re having fun! So if you go slower. Do you have more fun or do you just get more light? Visit my website: www.ComedianUK.com Email me: comedianuk@sky.com. Now, get back to work.
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