The Mugwump....

                                    

With regard to all the political pontification in the media. I've conducted a poll and  Conservatively speaking and not wishing to Labour a point, a Liberal position has to be taken, unless you venture up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire and UKIP through all this hard Brexit gubbins. My advice? Vote for Mugwump. You’ll get one anyway!

                                       

While watching the latest Star Wars movie recently, I couldn’t hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said, "I can’t hear." "I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation." May the fourth be with you, folks!

                                  

A bloke on his Harley was riding along Blackpool promenade, when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God spaketh, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me, in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge from here to the Isle of Man, so I can ride over easily and watch the TT races." God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy." God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"


                                   

Passengers on the train were chortling, because some crazy bloke was constantly calling out for his mummy in his sleep. I wish I'd seen it, but I was taking a nap at the time.

                                      

This bloke stopped me in his car on the High Street and sez, “Can you help me? I'm looking for a rubbish tip.” I replied, “Sunderland to win the Premiership, mate.”
                                       

Thought for Thursday: Don’t try to make a square very quickly, because you’ll end up with an octagon. This is what happens when you cut corners!




                                                       

I was making every endeavour to attempt to eschew obfuscation via the utilisation of sesquipedalian terminology, however, it has since emerged that I am a perpetrator of terminological inexactitudes and this will merely serve to compound an already unfortunate farrago. So visit my all new Jokey-Bloggington and continue the quest! Just clickety-click on www.ComedianUK.com You can email me too! comedianuk@sky.com   Now, assume a comical position and strike the pose!