I’ve spent all last week on the magnificent vessel that is Celebrity Reflection, doing my one-man show in the Reflection Theatre to a mainly American and Canadian audience. We visited Naples, Rome, Santorini, Rhodes and Athens. Next year, I’ll be involved in the inaugural sailing of a brand new ship! Watch this space for further and better particulars.
An invitation to the 70th birthday party of iconic Irish comic Jimmy Cricket took me to the Frog & Bucket comedy club in Manchester last night and a star-studded gathering it was too! I was the only person there that I didn’t know! Happy Birthday J.C!
My little puppy dog Alfie has been extremely naughty! He ate all the Scrabble tiles that were inadvertently left out on the floor from the night before. His next poo could spell disaster! I took him to the vet and the vet picked him up and looked into his eyes and then turned him around and gazed into his nether regions and then declared, “I’m gonna have to put him down!” I replied, “Why?” The vet sez, “He’s really heavy!”
Fascinating fact: The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven sez a lot about the anticipated traffic load.
The driving instructor asked the learner to pull over somewhere safe. Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?" The guy replied, "Because we're still in Liverpool."
Statistics prove that one in every three wimmin are just as difficult and argumentative as the other two.
Just read a recent scientific study. It reckons the best way to avoid being killed by a shark is by poking it in the eyes. Now I don't class myself as being cleverer than these experts, but I think I will stick to my current tactic of living in Glossop...
David Beckham was working abroad, so he goes to Interflora to get a bouquet of flowers for Victoria. "Do you want them scented?" asks the assistant. "Yes please," says David. "It's too far to take them myself."
RIP to my old buddy Howard Kendall. He was widely regarded as the greatest Everton manager of all time after leading the Toffees to two league titles in the 1980’s. I worked with him a few times and he was an excellent top-table companion on the sporting dinner circuit. Life will be infinitely poorer for his passing.
Still on the dinner circuit, I met two sporting legends last week. None other than, Stan Bowles and John Hartson. We all appeared at a fund raising dinner for Broadway Celtic FC. It was indeed a cracking night. The audience cheered and carried me aloft on their shoulders! I shouted, “I can walk to the car!” They replied, “You’re going in the river!”
Real time slows as you approach the speed of light, whereas time flies when you’re having fun! So if you go slower. Do you have more fun or do you just get more light? Visit my website: www.ComedianUK.com Email me: email@example.com. Now, get back to work.
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