A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: "Five beers, please."
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative … But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
An 80-year-old Scotsman went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor was amazed at what good shape the old fellow was in and asked: "How do you stay in such great physical condition?'
"I am Scottish and I am a golfer," said the old fellow: "and that is why I am in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a wee glass of whisky, and that's it."
"Well,' said the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there has to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?"
"Who said my Dad died?"
The doctor was amazed. "You mean you are 80 years old and your Dad is still alive. How old is he?"
"He is 100 years old," said the old Scottish golfer. "In fact he golfed wi' me this mornin, and then we went to a topless beach in Glasgow for a walk and had anither wee dram and that is why he is still alive. He is a Scot and he is a golfer, too."
"Well," the doctor said, "that's great, but I am sure there is more to it than that. How about your Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died?"
"Who said my Grandad is dead?"
Stunned, the doctor asked, "You mean you are 80 years old and your grandfather is still living! Incredible, how old is he?"
"He is 118 years old," said the old Scottish golfer.
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point: "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
"No. Grandad couldnae go this mornin' because he is getting married today"
At this point the doctor was close to losing it. "Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old bloke want to get married?"
"Who said he wanted to?"
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