Capello Resigns!!

Breaking News: Fabio Cappello resigns. An Italian abandoning a sinking ship, who would have thought it? Meanwhile, Harry Redknapp’s dog was found not guilty. However, the Anfield cat was arrested for trespass. Isn’t it amazing that a video of a cat at Anfield has had over a five million hits on Youtube, yet there has been a donkey playing there every week in a red number nine shirt and nobody has even noticed? You could not make it up! Could you?


If Charles Dickens were alive today, he would no doubt undergo countless tests and examinations from scientists and doctors trying to understand how he's made it to be 200 years old. Fascinating!

When you realise you know everything, you get your A Levels. When you realise you know nothing, you get your degree. When you realise no one else knows anything either, you get your Ph.D. Educashun. Donchaluvvit?

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette napper. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

It was absolutely freezing yesterday. So, after putting on two pairs of socks, three jumpers, four pairs of trousers, five woolly hats, six scarves, two thick coats and a pair of boots, I finally waddled outside. Two minutes later, I was laying face down in the snow and I couldn't move. "You're coming with me" said the Matalan store detective.

I went fishing at the weekend and there was this fella splashing about in the middle of the lake screaming, "I can't swim! I can't swim!" "It's alright, mate, don’t panic" I shouted, whilst pointing at a nearby sign, "It says no swimming anyway".

Barmy Albert sez to me yesterday, "I challenge you to count 86400 seconds." I replied "Don’t be barmy Albert, that'll take me all day!"



With negative speculation growing over his position at Ibrox, Ally McCoist is considering a better paying career with Sky. A spokesman for Ally said he may consider any offer, even though he has never put up a satellite dish before!

Thought for Thursday: Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value." ~ Albert Einstein

I am fully aware that you think that you believe and understood what you think I endeavoured to say, however, I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant to say in retrospective terms. Of course with the benefit of hindsight, what I am really trying to impress upon you is to click on: www.ComedianUK.com and visit my Jokey-Blog. Email me: comedianuk@sky.com Now, strike the pose and get back to work!!