Breaking News: Carlos Tevez is to open his own chain of sandwich shops. It is to be called: SubNoWay...
“Hello. You are through to PC World Technical Support. This is Sheila speaking. How can I help?” ”I can’t find the net.” “Okay, a couple of questions first, your name please sir.” “Fernando Torres.”
We all possess individual talents and display different quirks and idiosyncrasies. For instance, I am absolutely brilliant in the bedroom department. This is because I worked for twenty-odd years at Ikea.
Whilst sauntering down the High Street yesterday, I spotted a sign in a shop window that said, "Watch Batteries Replaced Here." So I went in and said, "Go on, then."
Quote of the week: Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns.
This morning on The Jeremy Kyle Show there was this fella being totally belittled and castigated by his missus. It was so embarrassing. It was obvious who wore the tracksuit bottoms in their marriage.
The missus and I walked past a very expensive restaurant in the town centre. As we passed, she remarked, "Oooh, did you smell that food, it smelled really lovely." I looked at her little face and took her by the hand and replied, “Come on then," and we walked past it again. She has become most inquisitive too. Last week she asked me what I was doing on the computer. "I'm looking for some cheap flights," I replied. "Oh that's great, love," she said. "Have you found any? I'll help you look." I was quite surprised. She usually isn't that interested in darts.
I got a strange text this evening from a number I didn't know. I replied, "Who is this?" I got a message back saying, "I’m your worst f***ing nightmare!" Which left me rather perplexed, because the missus was sitting next to me and she hadn't moved the whole time.
I put a load of the wife's old clothes in a charity bag outside the house this morning and got a knock on the door an hour later. "We can't take these, sir," he said "Why, what's wrong with them?" I asked, "Your wife's still wearing them."
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