Let it snow, let it snow....

DEC
20TH It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen
for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch
watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and
covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.

DEC 24th We
awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as far
as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush covered
with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time ever and
loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that day a
snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with
compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back
and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with
coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple
just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their
fun.

DEC 26th It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the
temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees
and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway
again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again.
Much of the snow is now a brownish - grey.

JAN 1st Warmed up enough
during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the
temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars £500. Fell on
my arse in the driveway. £100 to a physio but nothing was broken.

JAN 5th Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to work.
She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing - £200.
Had another 8 inches of white shite last night. Both vehicles are covered in
salt and iced up slush that bastard snowplough came by twice today. Where's
that bloody shovel.

JAN 9th More fucking snow. Not a tree or bush on
our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night.
Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater
which tipped over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames
out but suffered 2nd Degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eye brows and
eyelashes. Car hit a fucking deer on the way to casualty and was written
off.

JAN 13th Fucking bastard white shite just keeps on coming down.
Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The
little clowns next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll
shove that carrot so far up the little pricks arse it'll take good surgeon 6
hours to find it. If I ever catch the arsehole that drives the snowplough
I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the
bastard hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and
then he accelerates down the street like Michael 'fucking' Schumacher and
buries he fucking driveway again.

JAN 17th 16 more sodding inches of
fucking snow and fucking ice and fucking sleet and god knows what other
white shite fell last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting
the snowplough driver with an ice - pick..
Can't move my fucking toes.
Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more fucking snow
forecast

FUCK THIS, I'M MOVING BACK TO LONDON