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Monday, 1 January 2018

HNY2U2 Folks!


In 2018, the government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind. The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis!


On the above basis, I’ve always reckoned that the female of the species would make an excellent soccer referee. Imagine the scenario, the ref blows the whistle for a foul. The player duly remonstrates and asks the referee to clarify this wholly unwarranted decision. “What was that for ref?” The lady ref simply puts her hands on her hips and declares: “If you don’t know, then I’m not going to tell you....”


Barmy Albert went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house on New Year’s Eve. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" Albert replied. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking up the missus. I've been trying to do that for donkey’s years!"

My New Year Wish: All I ask is one chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

New Year Resolution: I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later. I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the aisle backwards, gets in the car and goes back to her mother.

Over Chrithmuth, for some hunown reeson, I've never yet won a gaim of skrabel!..


Twelve Reasons That The New Year Party Is Over::

1)You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.

2) Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.

3) You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.

4) You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.

5) You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.

6) You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"

7) You hear a duck quacking and it's you.

8) You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the wardrobe.

9) You refill your glass from the fish tank.

10) You tell everyone you have to go home and the party's at your place.

11) You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.

12) You yawn at the biggest bore in the room and realise you're in front of the hall mirror.

Happy New 2018! Get out of your old rut. Start a new rut. Spread malicious rumours on a daily basis. Stop returning things you borrow. Quit your job to pursue your lifelong dream of becoming a window cleaner. Celebrate Christmas every day. Leave the decorations and the tree up until next year. Make a resolution to visit my website:    And email me forthwith: All the cool kidz are at it!

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