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Friday 15 September 2017

The Way Things Are....


           

The missus suggested we spice up our sex life by playing ‘Doctors and Nurses’, so I put her on a trolley and left her for two days in the corridor. She visited that there Anne Summers shop in Stockport and purchased some edible underwear and a pair of handcuffs. Well I don’t eat her cooking, so I’m not gonna eat her vest, am I? She sez: “If you take me upstairs with these handcuffs, you can handcuff me to the bed and do anything that you desire!” So I handcuffed her to the bed and went down Wetherspoons!

                                             
Non-Stick Nora and Barmy Albert were sauntering along Carnaby Street in London. Albert looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that immediately caught his eye. The sign bore the legend, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair".    He sez to Nora:"Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Stalybridge, we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our northern accents, they might think we're daft and try to diddle us, so I’ll put on me best cockney accent." "No problem, Albert, I’ll keep me gob shut while you’re doing the business" replied Nora. They go in and Albert declared in a posh voice, "Hello my good chap, I’ll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me van up ready to load ‘em ion." The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're northern folk, aren't you?" "Well yes," said a surprised Albert. "What gave it away?" The owner replied, "This is a dry cleaners."
                                                 

Quiz of the Week: How do you milk sheep? Bring out a new iPhone and ask a grand for it.

I was seriously considering of upgrading and moving into a more expensive flat. But I don't have to now, as my landlord has put the rent up. When he told me he was raising the rent. I sez: “Thank God for that. I can’t!

I was making every endeavour to attempt to eschew obfuscation via the utilisation of sesquipedalian terminology, however, it has since emerged that I am a perpetrator of terminological inexactitudes and this will merely compound an already unfortunate farrago. So visit my all new Jokey-Bloggington and continue the quest! Just clickety-click on www.ComedianUK.com You can email me too! comedianuk@sky.com

Now, assume a comical position and strike the pose!


                     




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