1. In the company of females, sexual intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Fancy a back scuttle?
C. Taking the pigskin bus to up into Tuna Town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five Jagerbombs.
3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don’t miss Man Utd v Milan on Sky Sports.
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five Jagerbombs.
3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don’t miss Man Utd v Milan on Sky Sports.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you’ve just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. £50 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she’s gained ten pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence whatsoever on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entrée.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long queue is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I’m not in right now, please leave a message after the tone."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU!"
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus, in the first place.
Evaluating Results: If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to
make sure you really ARE a bloke.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You’re a tad confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAIN MAN, DUDE!"
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