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Tuesday 12 May 2015

Cameron Announces New Cabinet...

The missus just sez to me, "Do you reckon I have too much lipstick on?" I replied, "It just depends if you plan on going out just to specifically kill Batman or not."

BBC Breaking News: "If you are obese, then this can reduce the possibility of contracting Alzheimers" This should have read: "Fat tw@ts will always remember where all the cakes are kept"

Have YOU had to walk 500 miles?
Were you advised to walk 500 miles?
YOU could be entitled to compensation.

Call the Pro Claimers NOW!

It's Bank Holiday Monday and Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary was at Dublin airport and went into the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness. The barman sez, "That'll be one Euro, Mr O'Leary, please." O'Leary replied, "That's a very competitive price, so it is." The barman sez, "Would you be wantin' a glass with that?"

I was bladdered on a Ryanair plane and the police hauled me off and threw me in the cells. Then all the other passengers demanded an upgrade!

A Woman Writes....

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: 'If you want your breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds every day'

Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. How long will this take?' I asked.
They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.

I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he said 'Worked for your arse, didn't it?'

The idiot is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man

I was making every endeavour to attempt to eschew obfuscation via the utilisation of sesquipedalian terminology, however, it has since emerged that I am a perpetrator of terminological inexactitudes and this will merely compound an already unfortunate farrago. So visit my all new Jokey-Bloggington and continue the quest! Just clickety-click on You can email me too!
Now, assume a comical position and strike the pose!

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