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Sunday, 1 March 2015

The Narnia Chronicles....


It is imperative for all us lads to remember, that as women grow older it becomes
harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when
they were younger. When you notice this, try not to shout at them. Some
females are oversensitive and there’s nothing more infuriating than a petulant female.  Let me relate how I handled the situation with the missus, (I call her ‘Narnia’, because she has hair like a lion, looks like a witch and she is the size of a wardrobe). When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Narnia to get a full-time job, both for extra income and primarily beer tokens.

Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me up when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the restaurant at the club, so eating out is not an option. I’m ready for some home cooked grub when I get home. It’s not unusual for the dishes to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. She starts work early (she is a Gritter over Woodhead) I really think my experience as an entertainer helps a lot. I consider telling people what they ought to do, in a jocular fashion; it’s one of my strong points. Now that she has gotten older, (she has a face like a pirate’s flag) she does seem to get tired so much more quickly.

Our washer and dryer are in the cellar. Sometimes she says she just
can’t make another trip down those steps. I don’t make a big issue of this; as long as she finishes all the laundry the next evening, I’m willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to Wednesday’s or Saturday’s lap-dancing club, or to Tuesday’s or Thursday’s bowling, or summat like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting. It’s all a matter of getting her chores into perspective. When she’s taking out the rubbish, she remonstrates that it is too heavy, so I advise her to make three trips. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her at all (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

Wit is often a mask. If you could peer behind its gossamer façade, you would find either genius irritated or cleverness wriggling. That’s why you should never let your mind wander. Summat that small shouldn’t be out on its own. Nurse, fetch the screens! Visit my website or email me: Now, assume a comical position, and then strike the pose!


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