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Friday, 19 September 2014

Scottish Referendum!

The best way to keep Scotland in Britain is to change the referendum question into 'IS IT YOUR ROUND?' They reckon the Scottish Referendum is tight. It's not often you hear the words Scottish and tight in the same sentence!

An Airline introduced a special package for Business men. Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free. After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip. All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"

Last night my wife sent me a text, saying she was in Casualty. When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it, never saw her once, the lying sod. She still hasn't come home yet and I'm starving.

The wife and I decided to take an organized trip to Afghanistan to see for ourselves what the place was like.
It didn't start well when the train we were traveling on broke down just a couple of miles north of the capital.
What a third world shit hole!  Streets full of angry bearded types glaring at us & the Mrs stood out in her sundress as all other women wore head-to-toe burkas. We are so dead I thought. Anyway, Dave the organizer suddenly remembered that Finsbury Park had a tube station, so we were able to get safely to Paddington and then on to Kabul from Heathrow!! 

A Scotsman phones a dentist to inquire about the cost for a tooth extraction. "£85 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.  "£85!!! Huv ye no' got anythin' cheaper?"  "That's the normal charge," said the dentist. 
"Wit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?"  "That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off.."
"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anaesthetic?"  "I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop to £40"

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction, with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"  It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist.  "I'll charge you £5, but it's going to be very traumatic."  "Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman."   "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

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