Golf Jokes....

A sycophantic reporter approached Tiger Woods and gushed, "You are totally magnificent and spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really do know your way around the course. What exactly is your secret?" Tiger Woods looked at him in disdain and replied, "The holes are all numbered"



A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par 3

the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son?"

The young man says, "An 8 iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8 iron and puts the ball on the green.

The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you father,

but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."


Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody

5 iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective! Asks,

"Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club,

and puts her, hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times..... just put me down for a five."


A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing

and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and

saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit

through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty

swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the

forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven,

St. Peter saw him coming and asked,

"Are you a good golfer"?

To which the man replied:

"Got here in two, didn't I?"



Dave had a week off and decided to play golf every day. Monday morning, he found himself paired with an attractive woman, Pat, who turned out to be a very good golfer.

They started with a few casual bets, but by the back nine it was a Full-blown competition. On the 18th green, Pat sank her long birdie putt for the win. Dave congratulated her and paid off his losses. Pat asked for a ride home and, on the way, told him, "You know, Dave, I haven't enjoyed myself so much on the golf course in a long time. In fact, pull over so I can express my appreciation."

He did, they kissed, and one thing led to another and soon she gave him the best oral sex he'd ever had.

The next morning, they met again on the first tee and played together again. They had another magnificent day, enjoying each other's company and playing tight, competitive golf.

Again Pat beat him, but she also showed her appreciation on the drive home. This went on all week, with Dave narrowly losing every day, his male ego bruised, but not unhappy.

On Friday's drive home, Dave said, "Pat, you've been great to be with all this week and tonight I'd like to return the favour. I made reservations at the best restaurant in town for us and reserved the penthouse suite at the best hotel. What do you say?"

Pat burst into tears. "I can't!" "What? Why not?" asked Dave. "Because," she sobbed, "I'm in the middle of a sex change and the doctor hasn't completed that part of me yet!" "What?!"

Aghast, Dave swerved off the road, screeched to a stop and cursed madly, overcome with emotion. "I'm so sorry," says Pat. "You have a right to be angry with me." "You bastard!" Dave screamed, his face bright red. "You cheating bastard! All week long you've been playing off the women's tees!!"