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Saturday 15 December 2012

Ten things you can only say at Christmas....





THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS


1: I prefer breasts to legs.
2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5: I've never seen a better spread!
6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7: Are you ready for seconds yet?
8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.  






REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME



According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known ... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!






THE CHAV NATIVITY:
There’s this bird called Mary, yeah? She’s a virgin (wossat then?) She’s not married or nuffink, but she’s got this boyfriend, Joey, innit? He well fit ann does joinery an’ that. Mary lives with him in a crib darn Nazaref. One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She’s like `Oi Oo ya lookin at?’ Gabriel just goes ‘You got one in da club.’ Mary’s totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large ‘Stop dissin’ me yeah? I ain’t no Kappa-slapper. I aint never bin wiv no one!’ Yeah, but no, but yeah!







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