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Saturday, 13 March 2021

When Madame Merkel met Meghan Markle...


Heavy-handed police action was criticized last weekend at the Clapham Common vigil. If Cressida Dick carries on like this, she’s going get herself a bad name.

So we’re all following the Boris road map, coasting along in our Reliant Robin Interceptor ~ 3 litre Ghia ~ Hatchback ~ Trans-Am ~ twin carburettor (with stabilisers) ~ central locking ~ unbreakable petrol cap (a lump of rag) and all the kids in the backseat are shouting “Are we there yet?” The simple answer is that although the vaccine rollout is successful, Dr Chris Whitty, the government scientific soothsayer geezer has stipulated that certain rules must still be strictly adhered to:

1. You MUST NOT leave the house for any reason, but if you have a reason, you can leave the house

2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not

3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open

4. You must not go to work, but you can get another job and go to work

5. You should not go to the doctors or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there

6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable people. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.

7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes or not, as you see fit.

8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out, but don’t go very far, because Corrie is on at 7-30 pm.

When Meghan Markle met Madame Angela Merkel in Munich, she mooted many a mickle makes a muckle in mentioning her marriage and mischievous meanderings, mainly manufacturing manifold mayhem in the media and maintained to the matriarch that her management makes a myriad of multitudinous moolah marketing malicious misinformation marring the monarchic ménage. Moreover, many more magazine mash-ups meant mixed messages missing a mixture of meticulous measure and movement momentum. Meanwhile, in Manchester, Non Stick Nora never knew ninety-nine nice ‘n neatly knitted knick-nacks were nonchalantly nobbled near Knutsford...


Non-Stick Nora sez to Barmy Albert: “I don’t understand this cloning lark” Albert replied: “That makes two of us....”


Lt Columbo to accused: “Just one more thing. There is Good news and bad news, sir” “What's the bad news?” asked the accused. Columbo: “Your blood was found on the victim’s clothes and on the carpet!” “What's the good news?” “Your cholesterol is very low!”

I found it quite disconcerting that the last time someone wanted me for my body, it was filling out an organ donation form. Barmy Albert donated his body to medical science and they’re fighting the case!

Walking the dogs around the reservoirs this morning, I came across this bloke who was trout fishing. "How do you ascertain that there are any trout actually in there?" I asked. "Little eddies in the water," he replied. "What, and he lets you know?"



I was making every endeavour to attempt to eschew obfuscation via the utilisation of sesquipedalian terminology, however, it has since emerged that I am a perpetrator of terminological inexactitudes and this will merely compound an already unfortunate farrago. So visit my all new Jokey-Bloggington and continue the quest! Just clickety-click on You can email me too! Now, assume a comical position and strike the pose! 



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