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Saturday, 30 May 2020
The Stir-Crazy Scenario Continues....
Now that restrictions have been eased and we’re allowed to meet up to six people, the seven dwarves were absolutely delighted. However, one of them wasn’t Happy.
In order to alleviate the lockdown monotony, when you take the missus to Tesco to do the weekly shop, remember to take a pad of post it notes with you and write: ‘VERY SORRY FOR THE DAMAGE’ then stick them on random windscreens and watch the folk coming out looking for the prang on their vehicle. Hours of chortles and entertainment free!
I’ve become so befuddled during this lockdown lark that I’ve resorted to sending my next-door neighbour Barmy Albert a dozen red roses every Friday, together with a card saying ‘I Miss You xxx’, just so I can sit in the garden with a beer and listen to Non-Stick Nora giving him the third degree...
What will be the first thing you do when this dreadful situation is all over? Will you join Alcoholics Anonymous or have a gastric band fitted, or maybe both? Furthermore, if you could wave a magic wand and totally make COVID 19 vanish completely over the entire United Kingdom, but in exchange, you had to get rid of one city, would you agree to this and why would you choose Liverpool?
Cummings, Johnson, Hancock. They’re all names that could be from Carry On filums. Oooh Matron! Carry on Covid!
I am so quarantine stir-crazy that I’m beginning to think that the light of my life is the one in the fridge.
Apparently, this pandemic farrago is akin to Mount Rushmore, prior to it being originally carved. It’s unpresidented!
It is indeed an epiphany for showbiz in general. Witnessing the entertainment industry slithering into meltdown, accords a grim realisation that I may never be able to do a live gig ever again this year. Personally, I’ve been a pro comic since 1973 and have enjoyed making folk chortle for many years, albeit having to hop onto a different bandwagon every decade, when one manner of presentation becomes obsolete, only to be replaced by a fresh genre. I’ve had some awesome experiences and been most fortunate to meet copious icons of the theatrical and sporting world that I otherwise would only have appreciated from a far pavilion. I’ve gigged when I’ve been unwell or had personal disasters, bereavements and many are the times, I’ve made 500 blokes in a rugby club audience laugh when I’ve been shattered within. It’s an occupation that one doesn’t treat as gainful employment, because it’s primarily a way of life, permeating through your DNA. It’s impossible to arrive back from a show and then just forget the event until the next outing. Entertainers live and breathe what they do and are constantly striving to improve with every performance. We rehearse constantly until slickness is attained in both timing and presentation. I’ll spend hours going over scripts and learning lines. Finally, in due course if we ever manage to rid ourselves of this appalling and malicious COVID 19 malady, then make every endeavour to show your support by going to clubs, sporting dinners, theatres, hotels and comedy clubs or whatever form of entertainment that presents itself.
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