Cast your mind toward the future! In the year 2525, Earth is now a member of The Federation of Planets, but without the United Kingdom, which is still trying to leave the EU. Who’d a thowt it?
Despite having never ever seen a dartboard, let alone thrown a dart, Barmy Albert decided to join the team at our local pub, The Pitt Bull and Stanley Knife in order to immerse himself into team work ethics, male bonding and wallow in the ensuing camaraderie. "Right! What do I have to do?” he asked excitedly on his first visit to the pub. "As it's your first game" I replied "I've decided to put you in goal"
According to a survey, Vienna is the best place to live in Europe. It Means Nothing To Me.
I called into the butcher’s yesterday morning and asked for a load of tripe. He gave me a DVD box set of Love Island!
Neil Armstrong said: “One small step for man. One giant leap for mankind”. Buzz Aldrin retorted: “I don’t know how a cow jumped over this!”
It's really strange how the missus waits for me in the kitchen all night till I come back from the pub, just to ask me what time it is. Ridiculous behaviour!
"Hello. Is that 118-118? I need the number of Classix Insurance Company. I'll spell that for you. That's C as in cadence, A as in aye, S as in sea, E as in eye, W as in why, A as in are and Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
The chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I’m dropping this solid gold coin into this glass of hydrochloric acid. Will it dissolve?" "No, sir," a student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the gold coin won’t dissolve." "Because if it would, then you wouldn’t have dropped it in."
Sometimes, you may be dissatisfied with your life, whereas many folk in this world are dreaming of living your life. A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of flying, but, a pilot on the plane sees the farmhouse and dreams of returning home. That’s life! Enjoy yours. If wealth is the secret to happiness, then the rich should be dancing on the streets. But only poor kids do that. If power ensures security, then officials should walk unguarded. But those who live simply sleep soundly. If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages. Live simply. Walk humbly and love genuinely. All good will come back to you. When you’ve done all that gubbins, then visit my website for a chortle! Click on: www.ComedianUK.com and continue the quest! Now, get back to work!