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Friday, 11 September 2020

The new quarantine Monday lockdown lark. (In a limited and specific manner...)



With the announcement of yet newer lockdown rules coming into force last Monday, I reckon that I’d feel safer if COVID-19 held a press conference and told us how to protect ourselves from Boris and his cronies!


David Tennants portrayal of Denis Nielsen is phenomenal. However, the choice of music in the opening credits, namely Frank Ifield singing “I’ll Dismember You” was in my opinion, poor taste...

 

 Moreover, one would have thought that while the cast of Eastenders had three months enforced Sabbatical they would have indulged in a few acting lessons.



Wallpaper peeling off the walls. Windows constantly steamed up. If anybody has got any idea how to fix my terrible condensation problem, then please pop round. The kettle's always on!

Thursday Thought:- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.




The missus asked me what I was Googling on the PC. "I sez.”I'm looking for some cheap flights," "Oh that's brilliant," she cooed. "Have you had any luck? I'll help you if you want." It's weird coz she's never shown any interest in darts before now.

I was incandescent with rage last Monday. Considering who I can call, to complain about gatherings and parties. Gatherings of more than six people are prohibited. I definitely counted at least seven folk next door. It’s not fair that we are entering yet another lockdown and everyone is so nonchalant. There were copious amounts of beer, not to mention a barbecue and they were playing Bob Marley music really loud. It makes me furious to think how many can get infected. I pondered on contacting the local constabulary to report this appalling incident and then Barmy Albert had the common courtesy to invite me to join them. Onward and upward! Wahay!



I am thinking of making an investment in some land and I’m considering buying a ball park. Does anybody know how much they cost? A rough estimate will suffice.

Grandads gone into a nursing home and I phoned to see how he was getting on. The matron sez, "He's like a fish out of water." I asked her if he was finding it difficult to adjust to his new surroundings. "No" she sniffed, "He's dead"...

I have flabby thighs, but I am fortunate that my stomach covers them.



I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet. I said, "Yes, I've got a dog called Alfie." She said, "Would you like to insure him too?" I sez, "No thanks, he can't drive!"

I’ve got some racing geese for sale. Let me know if you want a quick gander!..

Charlie Chaplin lived 88 years. He left us 3 important statements:
(1) Nothing is forever in this world, not even our problems.
(2) I love walking in the rain because no one can see my tears.
(3) The most lost day in life is the day we don't laugh.
Life is just a journey! Therefore, live for today! Tomorrow may not be. Now visit my website: www.ComedianUK.com and click on my Jokey-Bloggington. Then get back to quarantine and wash ya hands!

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