Last week, Theresa May was given a mandate by Parliament to go back to the EU and be told to 'effoff' in 27 different languages. In a nutshell, Brexit is: The undefined, being negotiated by the unprepared, in order to get the unspecified for the uninformed. So, now you know!
The snow was so thick here last week! I asked a snowman about the amendment votes on Brexit and the Irish Backstop situation and he just stared at me....
It was minus 4 degrees last Thursday. The missus came back in and I asked her what she’d been up to outside. She sez: “I’ve been scraping the car.” I replied: “Against what?”
That’s when the fight started. Talk about a frosty-faced reception!
Yes folks, it's official! I have the BEST gas, electricity and phone bills on our street. All three companies have written to me and told me they are outstanding.
Remember when I told you that I’ve started believing in the hereafter and whenever I run upstairs I think “What have I come up here after?” I’m not bragging, but yesterday, I went upstairs and actually remembered the reason why I went into that room! It was the bathroom, but hey, it’s a start!
I told the missus that she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Never put all your eggs in one basket? Yeah right! Nice try, basket manufacturers...
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
I reckon that the bloke who dreamed up the word Wednesday, must have had summat to do with the word February as well. I wonder if he came from Cholmondely? Was his missus called Siobhan? Answers on a coastguard please....
Barmy Albert was up Scropton Street in Gungy Gertie’s cafeteria and the waitress sez: "Would you like anything on your chips?" "Does it cost extra?" enquired Albert. "Ten pence" replied the waitress. "Okay then” sniffed Albert, “I'll have three hot dogs and a meat and spud pie ."
Old Jokes Home: This little girl sez to her Dad, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister." Trying to be funny, the father replies, "Honey, you do have a sister." "I have?" questions the confused kid.... "Deffo," responds the dad. "You just don't see her because when you are coming in the front door, she is always leaving through the back door." The little girl gave this a few moments thought and remarked, "You mean like my other Daddy does?"
My New Years resolution is to stop leaving things so late and that no matter how much you push the envelope it will still be stationery! If you want to keep up with all the latest jocular gubbins, then visit my website. Just clickety-click on: www.ComedianUK.com and visit my all new Jokey-Bloggington for a chortle and a guffaw. You can email me too: comedianuk@sky.com Now, get back to work!
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