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Monday, 8 April 2013

North Korea Situation....

I really hope the situation between North Korea and the USA doesn't escalate. I am aware that the United Kingdom is well out of Korea's nuclear missile range, but it's pretty likely a few of America's would land on us. Batten down the hatches folks!

Life is so busy these days, it can lead to stress. I have been attempting to get rid of all the clutter in the house this week; I can never find my reading glasses without my glasses. Because of this unfortunate situation, a remedy was urgently required, so I have developed a profound interest in feng shui. Feng shui is a discipline with guidelines that are compatible with many techniques of agricultural planning as well as internal I suppose that you would never consider that a couch potato like me would study an ancient art like Feng-Shui, but dear reader, you would be wrong. If you pop round to my house, you would notice that all the chairs face the telly! My house is also near a pub and a betting shop, so this constitutes perfect harmony. Geomagnetism are basic components of feng shui. Proponents claim that feng shui has an effect on health, wealth, and personal relationships. This is where the pub and the betting shop come in.

Indeed, stress is so prolific in our lives these days, that in America (where else?) they actually employ professional worriers. This concept is catching on here in the UK as well. Never even consider psychological counselling, it is no longer fashionable. Counselling is so uncool and very yesterday. A professional worrier can charge up to £500 per week, and for this fee, they will do all your worrying for you, thereby leaving you with a stress free environment. I thought that this was such a brilliant idea, and with all the emotional turmoil and upheaval that I have suffered this year, I have employed three of these professional worriers to work for me personally on a full-time basis. Now you are probably wondering, how can I afford £1500 per week to pay for this service? Well the simple answer is that I can’t afford it. But hey! Let’s let the Worriers worry about that!

I got home quite late and the missus was on the prowl with a rolling pin. One has to think on ones feet on these stressful occasions, so quick as a flash I sez “Sorry I’m late, my darling, but they had a competition in the pub to ascertain who had the most fantastic partner, and I got to the final.”

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said, "What are you doing with those?" He looked her in the eye and said, "This isn’t going to take all day, is it?"

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