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Monday, 30 September 2019

The Hard Irish Border......

                                               


“A hard Irish border” sounds like a breed of large dog with a drinking problem. I've seen a house fly but never seen a horse box. Now that the cat is out of the bag, we’re gonna have to take the bull by the horns...


Help! There’s a psychotic chicken in my front garden and it won’t let me out the house. I may have to make a run for it!


Why has no one invented a bubble wrap whereby the bubbles are filled with helium, so that your parcels are lighter and thus cheaper to post?

                                         


Opticians, listen up! : Business going down the tubes. Not many customers? Then just change your shop signage to a blurred font.


                                       


When I’m bored I phone up any ‘Best Western’ hotels They answer “Best Western”   Then I say “Blazing Saddles directed by Mel Brooks.”

Have you ever tried stealing clothes from other folks washing lines? Well, I’ve been there, done that and got the T-shirt!

Thought for Thursday: Until Eve arrived, Adam didn’t know everything was his fault!

OLD JOKES HOME: A High Court Judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."     A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"     The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."   The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"     The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"     The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

I was making every endeavour to attempt to eschew obfuscation via the utilisation of sesquipedalian terminology, however, it has since emerged that I am a perpetrator of terminological inexactitudes and this will merely compound an already unfortunate farrago. So visit my all new Jokey-Bloggington and continue the quest! Just clickety-click on www.ComedianUK.com You can email me too! comedianuk@sky.com

                     


Now, assume a comical position and strike the pose!

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