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Saturday, 1 July 2017

The Plug...


There was a tap on the door yesterday morning. My plumber has a really weird sense of humour! Last week, he invited me to visit London and we went to see the Chelsea Shower Flow.


Last Monday ended up a massive disappointment. I went along to support a dwindling trade union, namely The Annual Shoemakers Convention. The committee is made up of a group of octogenarians, who invite guests to learn skills that they have studied and honed over a lifetime in the footwear industry. I have to honestly say it was the biggest load of old cobblers that I ever had the gross misfortune to associate myself with.

My father was a door to door salesman, selling doors. He wasn't very successful though. He'd knock on someone’s door and say "Oh! You've already got one!"


My old mate, Tommy Grabknuckle was informed by his doctor that he only had six months to live. His two sisters, Tina and Marje were inconsolable and devastated by the sad news. They were constantly sobbing. He had to tell 'em, "Don't Cry For Me, Marje andTina"...


Barmy Albert was walking along Blackpool beach found a bottle lying in the sand. He picked it up, brushed it off and out popped a genie! “Since you have freed me from this bottle, I will grant you three wishes.” Barmy Albert thought a minute and proclaimed: “I’m feeling a tad thirsty. I think I’ll wish for a chilled dandelion and burdock.” And poof! There was a pint of fizzy pop in his hand. He drank it down and started to chuck the bottle away. The genie sez, “Look at that bottle before you throw it away.” Albert did and watched as it magically refilled itself with dandelion and burdock. “That’s a magic bottle. It will refill itself whenever you empty it. So what are your other wishes?” Barmy Albert replied: . “I think I’ll be having two more of these!”

Tip of the day: Never do a runner from an Ethiopian restaurant!


Big Chief Sitting Bull and his wife Lying Cow made love on a bed of horse hide and she bore him two sons. He made love to his second wife on a bed of buffalo hide and she bore him two sons. He made love to his third wife on a bed of hippopotamus hide and she brought into the world FOUR sons! So it just goes to show that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.


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