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Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Blokes - V- Birds.....


Just have a shufty at a few really important topics to prove how different blokes are, compared to birds.....

If Lizzy, Susannah, Debora and Adele go out for lunch, they will call each other Lizzy, Susannah, Debora and Adele. If Micky, Charlie, Bob and Jimbo go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Twat, Mongo, Needledick and Chutney-Ferret.

When the bill arrives, Micky, Charlie, Bob and Jimbo will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £35.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want some change back. Moreover, when the birds get their bill, out come the calculators on the iPhones!

A bloke will pay £2 for a £1 item he wants. A bird will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't want and has no need for whatsoever....

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothpaste, toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Travelodge Inn.; The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 268. No man will be able to identify most of these items.

A bird has the last word in any argument. Anything a bloke sez after that, is the beginning of a fresh argument.

Wimmin love cats. Men say they love cats, but when wimmin aren't looking, blokes kick cats.

A female worries about the future until she gets a husband. A bloke never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A bird marries a bloke expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A bloke marries a bird expecting she won't change, but she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, take out the wheelie bin, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals only.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow disintegrate during the night.

Kids. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of short people living in the house.

Every married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing, is there?

What a woman says: "C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now." What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW.

And that, my Lords, is the case for the defence...


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