1. "My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart" - Masai Graham
2. "Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one…" - Stuart Mitchell
3. "I've been happily married for four years - out of a total of 10" - Mark Watson
4. "Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit" - Mark Smith
5. "I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second" -Will Duggan
6. "Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated" -Tiff Stevenson
7. "I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words" - Gary Delaney
8. "Why is Henry's wife covered in tooth marks? Because he's Tudor" - Adele Cliff
9. "Don't you hate it when people assume you're rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?" - Annie McGrath
10. "Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask" - Jordan Brookes
11. "Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first" - Michelle Wolf
12. "I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound" - Roger Swift
13. "Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer" - Arthur Smith
14. "I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses" - Zoe Lyons
15. "Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word" -Phil Nicol.
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