Hallelujah!

This is a true story, told to me by an English guy who was stopped and asked to give a breathalyzer test. This particular English bloke lives near Le Bugue in the Dordogne and at the time he was stopped he was really bladdered! The gendarme signals for him to wind down the window then asks him if he has been drinking, and with a slurring speech the English bloke replies; 'Yes, this morning I was at my (hic)..daughter's wedding, and as I don't like church much I went to the cafe opposite and had several beers.' 'Then during the wedding banquet I seem to remember downing three great bottles of wine; (hic)... a Corbieres, a Minervois and (hic)...a Faugeres.' 'Then to finish off during the celebrations.... and (hic) during the evening ...me and my mate Dave downed a bottle of Johnny Walker's black label.' Getting impatient the gendarme warns him; 'Do you understand I'm a policeman and have stopped you for an alcohol test'? The Englishman with a grin on his face replies; 'And do you understand that I'm English, same as my car, and that my wife is sitting in the other seat, at the steering wheel?'

Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine fella, who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve. Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Nora arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was in the oven, and the table set. She was flabbergasted! It turns out that Albert had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to make love'. The night went very well. The next day, Nora told her friends all about it. 'We had a great dinner. Albert even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening.' 'But what about afterwards?' asked her friends. 'Oh, that........... Albert was too tired.'

I was in a mobile phone shop: "This is a high-end Smart Watch," said the assistant. "It features full mobile phone capability, meaning you can make and receive calls simply by holding it up to your ear." "Sounds great," I said. "But then how would I tell the time?"
He said, "That's what your mobile phone is for." Hmmm, methinks that life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were merely fruits...

I knocked on my neighbour's door yesterday, and said, "Sorry to be cheeky, but do you mind if I use your bathroom? Mine's out of order at the present time." "Not at all, come on in," he laughed. About twenty minutes later he knocked the door and said, "Excuse me, but are you all right in there?" I shouted, "I'm spot on. You need to buy more Radox bubble bath, by the way."

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