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Sunday 31 October 2010

Editorial for 28th October 2010


The missus (I call her Viking, because she has a face like a Norse) was quite annoyed yesterday and I could tell that she was in the mood for an argument. I asked her what the problem was and she advised me that she is concerned that I have an infantile personality, coupled with a childlike nature and reckons that I’m VERY immature. She has come to the conclusion that we must set aside some time and discuss this problem fully. As if that’s gonna happen in the middle of the conker season!

At breakfast, yesterday, I eagerly waited for my 13 year old daughter Susannah to comment on my first attempt at my new recipe cheese omelette. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I manufactured these commercially, how much do you think I would get for one of them?" Without looking up from her iPod she replied, "About five years."

18 Very Good Reasons for being over 50.

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask,"did I wake you up?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate Fred The Weatherman on Granada Reports.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

On a beautiful autumn day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.
At the town of, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch
they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the very blonde waitress,
“Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us ......
Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”
The girl leaned over and said, “Burrr.... Gurrr.... King.”

I purchased a packet of those Cadburys Chocolate Animals yesterday. It clearly stated on the pack 'Do not consume if seal is broken.' What’s all that about then?

Thought for Thursday: Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Aristotle always maintained that it was the mark of an instructed mind to rest satisfied with the degree of precision which the nature of the subject admits and not to seek exactness when only an approximation of the truth is possible. I wholeheartedly agree. So visit my website: www.ComedianUK.com then assume a comical position and strike the pose!

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